Walnut Standing Desk for the Modern Upright Executive
There are three signs of a successful modern executive:
- You never sit.
- You never ever sit.
- You never ever ever sit.
The Walnut Standing Desk for the Modern Upright Executive will not only allow you to never sit, but it makes sitting practically impossible unless you find yourself some kind of tall stool. And at that point, aren't you just at a bar, Phil? And we've told you before: stop drinking at work! You're an executive after all: act like it.
The advantages of not sitting are endless. Those who never sit never get caught from behind by a seated low-level manager from a parallel height asking about those reports that you will never send to the boss because of how poorly the low-level manager executed them.
No, you will tower over that low-level manager at heights so great that they will only be thinking one thing: how did that upright executive clean so fully the inside of his/her nose? HOW? I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!
And then, from your great height, you, the executive, will read his mind and tell him, Phil: this could have all been yours for $525 and a call to Falkner Makes. All of it. But you know what, Phil? You and your dirty nostrils will never do so unless you get to the DMs and slide right in.
PRODUCT INFO
Need I tell you? That's Oregon black walnut, sucka!
Oh, and those legs? Friggin' cast iron spraypainted black because at night that desk will look like it's just friggin' floating like a dang spaceship! A walnut spaceship! That's right: those humans would never think of such a thing and that's why it works.
It's long enough to set a lot of plates of pancakes upon and, more appropriately for someone in an executive position: three to five computer monitors, a cup of coffee, a snifter of sweet vermouth, a handful of the finest Ticonderoga pencils and a swingline stapler to staple fat checks to your wall because with this desk you're going to be raking it in and you don't have time to go to the bank so you just staple them to the damn wall!
It's height is as tall as you need it to be, unless it's just standard desk height, then it's not a standing desk and you're clearly not an executive, Phil, so get out of here! This is for execs only.
RETURN & REFUND POLICY
If you get fired from your executive position and your severance is only over two million, I'll take it back. I get it. Times are hard.
SHIPPING INFO
It ships when it snows at night and the owls are asking questions. Otherwise, underwater delivery is available for a fee. Overwater delivery is complex and we'll need to consult with our friends at Irvington Woodworks.